A journey from being an helpless would-be mother to a strong independent mother

“Wow, congratulations!!”; the whole day I was poured with hearty wishes left to right from my family, friends, and relatives. I was on cloud 9 and feeling happiest like never before. I was officially engaged to the love of my life. We dated for 2 brief years until our families accepted and agreed to our marriage. That day I was very much happy. In 3 months, I going to get married to the person whom I loved the most on Earth. Time just flew quickly. The Day arrived and we got married. It was a full-on traditional wedding, the best day of my life. Everything went on well. I was finally with my love. I was feeling like the luckiest person, who has got all that she wished for. The initial few days were so blissful. We spent almost all the time together, except for the time he went to work. We decided to visit his native and take God’s blessing before going for our holidays. But it happened that, we went to his native and had to come straight back home, and we never had another chance for a vacation.

After coming back from native, things weren’t the same as before. My in-laws decided to stay back at their native so we both returned. My husband seemed to become a different person. 

I was startled at some moments when he behaved so differently. The way he talked to me has changed. He started dominating and controlling me for everything. He started ordering me to do things and if I didn’t, he would abuse me badly. He stopped me from meeting my parents and visiting my home. He also took away my mobile and only gave it to me when I went out for some work. He was monitoring my every move. I felt like being jailed. One day I tried speaking to him and asked him what has happened suddenly; he wasn’t like this earlier. And I was shocked to hell. He replied that he never loved me. He just wanted to marry me because he has a hobby of having all the best things in his life. I couldn’t believe what he just said. In a second my whole world crumbled and shattered, I found myself in the pool of tears. I was feeling so foolish and I didn’t know how to take this up. I consoled myself that he had might be going through some bad time at his work. He wasn’t serious about what he said. He will be fine in some time.

It is been 6 months now since we married. His behaviour never changed nor my life. It only got worse day by day. He was torturing me emotionally and mentally. I was like an object to him. He had enslaved me. Despite being nicely raised by my parents I didn’t have the strength to inform them about my life. I took all the blame to myself for choosing the wrong person and trusting him blindly. I took it as my fate and was living my jailed life. In few days I found I am pregnant. 

I felt happy and this gave me hope that he might become a different person now. But that was my illusion. He rather showed no happiness or interest in the baby as he doubted my infidelity. This broke me completely. I couldn’t survive his accusation anymore. I attempted suicide. I forgot that I was carrying another life in me. But something else was written in my fate. I escaped and so was my child. After this incident, I decided to take care of my child and myself. I was doing all my duties for him. I was having a hard time, but I had faith in God. Being in a stressful pregnancy, I gave birth to a preterm baby. My husband didn’t seem to be happy for the baby. My final hope was also gone in vain. I had a preterm infant in my arm who needed proper care and nurture and my whole life in front of me to be spent with this monster. I knew for sure that I will not survive if I go back to him, nor my baby will be safe. He can never be a good father when he has never been a good husband. I decided to part ways with him and bring up my child all by myself.  

It was a very big and toughest decision of my life. But I was very firm and clear about it. I chose me and my child over that bad life with my so-called husband. I decided that I live my life on my own terms and bring up my child happily. My parents supported me. My child was growing so was I. I started a new life. I took up different courses got myself a good job. I was taking care of my child and was also working. I was slowly gaining back my long-lost confidence. It wasn’t easy earlier. Many times, I ended in tears; because I thought I didn’t deserve this. In no time my life changed again. And this time for good. I am building my career and my child is grown enough to go to school. I always wanted my child to feel proud of me and my decision. I used to think about how my child will react when it becomes aware of the father. I never wanted to lie to my child; so, I never gave information about false things. All I did was I never created an image of a father in my child’s life. And I am happy I did that. 

It’s been 10 years now; my child is a grown-up teen and knows everything about the father. I am glad as I had thought I will never be questioned on my upbringing; my child never asked me anything. I am trusted by my child. Today I am a very happy, strong, and independent mother. When I see myself 11 years ago, I wonder how I was living my life; feeling so helpless and now one right decision at right time changed my life forever. Rather I should say mine and my child’s life forever. I believe everything happens for a reason.

I would like to say to all those who are going through tough relationships. Don’t be foolish and bear torture. If necessary, make a decision and move on. Something better you can do with your life rather than staying in an abusive relationship. 

Sejal Davey 
Special educator and child & career counselor and parenting coach

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