Many have lost their family; friends; and their jobs in the Coronavirus pandemic. One among those is my friend whom I happened to meet recently.  He has family and fortunately, he only lost his job to the pandemic. But it’s nothing less than losing a life. Initially, he was able to manage his finances with his savings and his wife’s savings.  Things didn’t change much. Expenses were just increasing with passing days and so does his stress and worries. By profession, he is a college lecturer. He was an assistant professor in one of the best colleges in the city. He used to teach psychology to graduate students.  He has very good experience working with children and young adults of all ages. As his passion for education is so deep. He never thought; one day he would be an assistant professor and teaching psychology; psychology was not his subject when he graduated.  He did arts and was very good at handling accounts.

Initially, he started his career as an accountant and slowly he developed his interest in teaching.  And he decided to become a teacher first and then a professor. With his hard work, he achieved what he wanted to be. He was very good at his teaching and was known for his generosity towards his students. But none of these helped him to save his job. The college faced a severe crisis and they had to take tough calls. Along with him few other colleagues of his also lost their job. He decided to start with giving counselling and tried to find a job but since the pandemic finding a new job is the most difficult task.  Despite going through a financial crunch, he is still active and believes to follow his principles. He has started spreading awareness of mental health issues and does counselling with minimal to no cost for those in need. He initiated so many different programs and also hosts events to spread mental health awareness. He is not sure how many more months he can feed his family as a source of income is very minimal.

I felt so bad to see him going through so much. But I am proud of him. Though he has numerous issues and difficulties; he hasn’t become greedy.  He is still serving society by spreading awareness on mental health and psychological issues in a way where any common man can understand. I told him he is doing such wonderful work. Hearing me all he said that; still I am unemployed.  Many times people judge me and taunt me for not having a proper job and fixed salary. Whomever he happens to meet; they only ask about his job and income, show him pity, and help him with some money. All these kinds of cruel gestures hurt him. He sometimes questions himself about his own identity.  He feels helpless but has never given up. He is been continuously putting in his efforts and trying his luck to find himself a decent job with a decent salary. He tried to explain to those who questioned him initially; and found that he was answering to the deaf. So then he decided not to give any kind of explanation and clarification to people but at times he ends up feeling depressed because he also knows what people are asking and saying is also true. Being a man; bread earner of the family he needs to be employed otherwise he will be called a failure.

I told him though he is not employed now but whatever he is been doing; serving society; educating people on mental health; spreading awareness through different events and programs and giving counselling without being greedy and money-minded will surely result fruitful for him. Good deeds with very noble intentions don’t go to waste. What if he is not employed or doesn’t have a designation or company’s name to mention; he has so much knowledge and experience which is helpful to so many countless people around the world to gain. I told him his salary doesn’t define him as a person. What defines him is as a modest person is how he is using his knowledge and time for a good cause and noble way. He shouldn’t lose heart and hope and keep continuing what he is doing now. I am sure his good deeds will surely be rewarded at the earliest.  The people speak and ask about his salary and job post; he shouldn’t bother to make them understand because one day he gets recognized for what he is doing now.

Sejal Davey
Counselor and Coach 
(Child, Career and Parenting)

  I always see nightmares that startle me to wake up at midnight very often. I couldn’t remember exactly what I see in my dreams that gives me fear and wakes me up. But I could feel like difficulties in breathing and then I drink some water and relax for a while and try to sleep again. But I will be thinking the next whole day about what has happened at night. As it has become often so I thought of talking to my friend who is a psychologist. I didn’t delay our meeting and called her immediately and fixed the appointment. She has her clinic close by so in the evening I visited her. I was happy to meet her. We had casual chat initially then after a while I told her about my nightmares and their frequency.  

She heard everything and then took a deep breath. She then said she would ask me few questions and then she will talk about it. I was ok with it and we started. She asked me about my daily routine. For Which I replied saying from morning till night I have so much work. Looking after children; cooking; getting things ready including food for my in-laws and my husband then taking children to school; coming back and finishing my other household work and then other things like grocery shopping or medicine buying for my in-laws to taking them to therapist and doctors on some days. The list keeps going. The next question she asked about while doing my work do I feel tensed or am I very conscious. For that, I answered I always see into it that whatever I do I have to do it correctly. 

Because my husband wants everything perfect no mistakes. Even my children want everything ready before they ask for it. My laws have many expectations from me; I have to fulfil them. I don’t rest because I keep working to keep everything perfect. I gave up my job too so that I can give my best to my family. Sometimes I feel dependent on my husband monetarily but then I forget and adjust. 

She heard both answers and then she asked me do I have any fear which I have never spoken about to anyone. I shied for a while but then I had to tell her. She was my friend first and then a psychologist. I told her that I have fear which I never spoke about to anyone. Not even to my husband or my parents. That fear is of being a failure. Failure in fulfilling my duties towards my family. 

Fear of not carrying my responsibilities towards my in-laws properly. Fear of being a bad mother to my children. Fear of losing the love of my husband if I make him disappointed. Fear of not being beautiful and losing my charm and if my husband gets attracted to some other lady. Fear of losing my respect in my house if I forget to do something for my family. Fear of losing my identity. I have already lost my identity as a working woman and financially independent woman. But that I did wishfully for my family; though I regret it sometimes. But now I have accepted and living with it. All these thoughts give me fear and I feel anxious.  

Her next question was before going to bed what I think about most. 

I replied I always keep checking about things required for the following day is kept ready for my children and my husband. 

Then I think about what work has to be done the next day. I need to plan my day. Mostly I keep thinking about all these and fall asleep. After listening to my answer my friend said finally you told me yourself what make you get those nightmares. Your fears are only the reason why you wake up often at midnight. You are so scared now by doing your duties and responsibilities perfectly that even in sleep you only think about it. You are worried about the next day work. You go to sleep with worries in your head. So suddenly you wake up. You get those nightmares where you should be seeing about missing some work to be done or doing something wrong. These are a most common type of nightmares many women gets who are so dedicated to their family fulfilling their needs without thinking about themselves.

She then suggested starting to take breaks for herself. To start doing something that I like. I should make time for myself in my busy day. I need to rework my schedule again and I should allot free time for myself. If required I should talk to my family and my husband about it. The problem is not a major issue but it has to be addressed on time and steps needed to be taken before it becomes something big. I also understood what she was saying. There is nothing wrong to make space and time for self. Everyone needs that time. It is much important. To give your full to your family you need to be healthy and happy both physically and mentally. I took leave from my friend on from that time I decided to give time to myself. I worked on my schedule and now I have started doing few activities which were once my hobbies. I feel much happy now and also sleeping at ease. #Self Love Isn’t Selfish.

For every single minute of Anger, We are losing 60 seconds of Happiness.

Of all the emotions we know one among them is compared with acid – yes you guessed it
right.

Its anger (Raudra).I want to quote a famous say to know the intense meaning of this
Emotion.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on
which it is poured.
-Mark Twain

Anger – Certainly yes it’s contagious …It makes a shift and shaky experience for
a person who is present in the atmosphere.

I think we can easily acquire this emotion but on a cautious note we have to hold sway over
it.

“If a sun arises it’s a sign of new Beginning. But Anger arises to think about the consequences”
We may feel to react if we experience

*Powerless,
*Hurt,
*Feeling sick,
*Not Getting what we want,
*Unable to express our feelings,
*Cheated,
*If our boundaries have been invaded,
*Losing our value in Relationship and many more.

It variates from a person but results are the (D)Anger.

We may Express anger at different situations but hope you agree the result is
always unpleasant.

We certainly know the results of Anger, still what we mature adults forget to do is how to
keep it in a limit.

As Mahakavi Bharathiyar told “ Rowdram Palagu” – How to control our anger.
On the other side Anger at times push you to create positive Outcomes where we can
produce many optimistic results.

It helps us to know the Real Potential which lies inside us. So, don’t feel bad about this
Emotion, as like a coin it has two sides, it does Good as well as bad, Toss on to the Positive
side if you feel bad about it.

Well there are a lot of possible ways to control our anger but there is a simple solution
And it is Omnipresence.

You got it – Water – A refreshing and its plain sailing. It do wonders to our Body, It makes
us to Feel cool, Relax and makes to take Right Decision ( Before making any impulse
The decision when you are Angry -Have a sip of water).

Let me introduce the ABC model to keep down this emotion in the track.
As it’s based on the principle of car-Its ABC.

When it Accelerates-Admit it -Simple yet complex is not to justify our anger.

When Anger is on the peak and when it oozes out from us take a Break as we press the Brake
in the car to get out down or to make the car Prevent the car from an accident.

Clutch – Control (as we know it steadily maintains the speed)…Just Monitor your clutch
to control anger.

ADMIT it -take a BREAK-CONTROLit. to have a safe Journey …

Life is a Beautiful Journey .. Let’s Enjoy the Ride
Meet you in the next Journey …

S.Iswarya,
Independent Consultant,
NLP Practitioner.
99441 44157

So think before you judge, think before you use a harsh word, pause and think, because you never know what kind of impact it can have on someone.

- Namrata Munoth

“Unlock the treasure of Laughing “- ‘ Hasya ‘ –One of the rasa about Laughter.

“A day without Laughter is a Day wasted” – Charlie Chaplin

To start with this quote and as you guessed it right I made this article to contribute to the readers to feel the value of Laughter. This article is all about the Language of our soul –which is contagious and the beautiful ornament that makes us look more beautiful. Just look at you in front of the mirror & Smile –SEE HOW PRETTY YOU ARE. Look at the muscles which are working –you can feel it Right ?? Beautiful is it?? Of all the Emojis available in our smartphone prevalently used emojis is the Smiling Face. Laughter is not meant only to us, Some of the animals like Dogs, Chimpanzees’ & Dolphins ( To be specific with)

have the potential to express laughter. 

• We may hear about the HYENAE which is the Laughing animal (Not so).Spotted Hyenas (One
• among the species ) express cackling laughter because of Frustration & Fear.
• Just like us, Dolphins create a unique sound while Laughing.

Of all the emotions that exist in this world, Laughter is the emotion that represents our soul of Happiness. Water is not only the Elixir of Life-Laughter too.

We come across a lot of words which connote this term:

-Chuckle

-Giggle

-Guffaw

-Grin.

Words may convey different meanings depends upon the mindset we come across. But, the emotional state remains the same.

We can see the tangible results if we have belly laugh:

•  Are you the person who love to have a toned abs-If yes JUST LAUGH. You can ask me How? Toning will happen when our abs get a contract and Expand (Happy news isn’t it??)
• During this pandemic every one struggles to boost our immune System from foods-Let me suggest you a simple therapy to follow –Just have a Belly Laugh.
• It just activates the T- Cells (Essential part of the immune system) which boosts our immunity.
• Imagine if you have a splitting Headache –About to go take a pain killer (Stop please), Make yourself to watch a Favorite Comedy Movie (I know it’s tough to concentrate). But on the go, you start to see the results as a miracle (But keep minding the volume).

Laughter is such a powerful (yet free!!) of course available asset for us at any point in time. The saddest part is we are not making use of it to the core.

Sharing a genuine Laugh with our Kids, Spouse, Parents, Relatives, and with our co-Workers makes a day more Beautiful.

ADD ON TO CHILL ON!!

Meet you next week with an interesting topic. Till then Keep Smiling !!

S.Iswarya 
Independent Corporate Trainer