I am born and brought up in a very protective family.  Being the only girl child in the family I was given so much love and affection.  Being the only sister of four brothers; I was always protected.  Was never left alone for a while.  Always accompanied either by parents or brothers wherever I went. I was lucky enough to have very good schoolmates.  I had studied in a co-education school. My friend’s circle had more boys than girls. I was again loved by my friends because I always respected them.  My good and understanding nature was a bonus for me as I never had any fights with my friends. They were like my extended family. When I had to go for tuitions I was accompanied by my boy’s gang. So even here I wasn’t left alone. I was always looked after by someone; all the time. 

I grew up being protected.  Family and brothers at home and friends in school.  I didn’t get a chance to know the real world outside.  I always thought the world outside is as safe as I am getting to see. I never knew it was only one side of the coin. The real picture of the outside world was yet to see by me. I was happy being unaware of the reality.  Life was full of happiness and good people around me who were my family; close to my heart; I trusted a lot because I had no reason not to trust them. Everyone was nice to me throughout my journey. I completed my schooling. I have such wonderful memories of those days which I still cherish and share with my daughter whenever I remember them. I had been on family trips and educational trips with school friends. Even on trips I was guarded and protected always by my family and friends.  I always felt pampered; cared for; loved and protected.  I always thought people are so understanding.  The world is full of good-hearted people.  I entered into my college life. New friends as I had chosen different fields for further studies. Got separated from my school gang. Had to meet new friends.  It was difficult initially but was lucky enough here too; found very good friends. But I was missing my boy’s gang. I did my college in Women’s college.  Still had managed to complete my graduation with good friends and wonderful memories.

After college, I joined my father’s business helping him with his accounts. So again I was gaining experience of something new but in a known environment. I never got a chance here too; to meet outsiders and interact with unknown people.  My life was going smooth and steady. I was as usual happy and unaware of the real world.  Few years passed and I was about to get married.  My engagement was fixed. I met an unknown person and in few meetings, it was decided I am getting married to him. Engagement days were just so beautiful.  Though only a few months were there for marriage still those days were beautiful. Everything was new. I was going to enter into the most important phase of my life.  My life was about to change forever.  As I will be living with a new family at new house; leaving behind my own family. Until I got married I was showered so much love by my family and my in-laws.  It was certain to receive so much love and extra care from my parents and family. I didn’t understand at that time though. 

The day arrived and I was officially married and came to my new house. Everything was so nice and filmy type as I had seen on screen in movies. I had the same feeling of being cared for and protected as I was always had. But I didn’t know; everything will change. Hereafter marriage I am no more going to be pampered.  I am rather made responsible for taking care of my new family.  Learning their lifestyle and getting adjusted to their way of living without questioning.  I did that willfully and happily.  I never thought of my in-law’s house; it was my own house but little I knew for them I was still an outsider. I was ordered always to do work. My feelings never mattered to anyone; not even my husband.  I was always left alone because I was still an outsider. Nobody cared about me and my emotions. All these came as shock. For the first time in my life, I felt humiliated and ignored.  This was just beginning. My life was ruined by them. It was torturous. I was broken and shattered.  After few years of living a life of hell, I decided to part my ways with my husband.  We got separated after a long legal battle.  I got custody of my daughter and I came to stay with my parents.

My life was like a roller coaster. I was back in a safe environment; with my daughter and was leaving with my family.  But things were different now. Though I had a supportive family; I also had responsibilities for my daughter. I decided to work and be independent.  I joined another firm and started working.  Now I realized the world is so different.  I should have got exposed to this earlier itself.  I would have been ready at least to face the harsh world. I believe and really want my daughter to learn about the reality of life from a young age itself.  I don’t want her to be felt always protected and pampered rather I want her to become stronger and stronger day by day.

Sejal Davey 
Counselor and Coach 
(Child, Career and Parenting)

Many have lost their family; friends; and their jobs in the Coronavirus pandemic. One among those is my friend whom I happened to meet recently.  He has family and fortunately, he only lost his job to the pandemic. But it’s nothing less than losing a life. Initially, he was able to manage his finances with his savings and his wife’s savings.  Things didn’t change much. Expenses were just increasing with passing days and so does his stress and worries. By profession, he is a college lecturer. He was an assistant professor in one of the best colleges in the city. He used to teach psychology to graduate students.  He has very good experience working with children and young adults of all ages. As his passion for education is so deep. He never thought; one day he would be an assistant professor and teaching psychology; psychology was not his subject when he graduated.  He did arts and was very good at handling accounts.

Initially, he started his career as an accountant and slowly he developed his interest in teaching.  And he decided to become a teacher first and then a professor. With his hard work, he achieved what he wanted to be. He was very good at his teaching and was known for his generosity towards his students. But none of these helped him to save his job. The college faced a severe crisis and they had to take tough calls. Along with him few other colleagues of his also lost their job. He decided to start with giving counselling and tried to find a job but since the pandemic finding a new job is the most difficult task.  Despite going through a financial crunch, he is still active and believes to follow his principles. He has started spreading awareness of mental health issues and does counselling with minimal to no cost for those in need. He initiated so many different programs and also hosts events to spread mental health awareness. He is not sure how many more months he can feed his family as a source of income is very minimal.

I felt so bad to see him going through so much. But I am proud of him. Though he has numerous issues and difficulties; he hasn’t become greedy.  He is still serving society by spreading awareness on mental health and psychological issues in a way where any common man can understand. I told him he is doing such wonderful work. Hearing me all he said that; still I am unemployed.  Many times people judge me and taunt me for not having a proper job and fixed salary. Whomever he happens to meet; they only ask about his job and income, show him pity, and help him with some money. All these kinds of cruel gestures hurt him. He sometimes questions himself about his own identity.  He feels helpless but has never given up. He is been continuously putting in his efforts and trying his luck to find himself a decent job with a decent salary. He tried to explain to those who questioned him initially; and found that he was answering to the deaf. So then he decided not to give any kind of explanation and clarification to people but at times he ends up feeling depressed because he also knows what people are asking and saying is also true. Being a man; bread earner of the family he needs to be employed otherwise he will be called a failure.

I told him though he is not employed now but whatever he is been doing; serving society; educating people on mental health; spreading awareness through different events and programs and giving counselling without being greedy and money-minded will surely result fruitful for him. Good deeds with very noble intentions don’t go to waste. What if he is not employed or doesn’t have a designation or company’s name to mention; he has so much knowledge and experience which is helpful to so many countless people around the world to gain. I told him his salary doesn’t define him as a person. What defines him is as a modest person is how he is using his knowledge and time for a good cause and noble way. He shouldn’t lose heart and hope and keep continuing what he is doing now. I am sure his good deeds will surely be rewarded at the earliest.  The people speak and ask about his salary and job post; he shouldn’t bother to make them understand because one day he gets recognized for what he is doing now.

Sejal Davey
Counselor and Coach 
(Child, Career and Parenting)

  I always see nightmares that startle me to wake up at midnight very often. I couldn’t remember exactly what I see in my dreams that gives me fear and wakes me up. But I could feel like difficulties in breathing and then I drink some water and relax for a while and try to sleep again. But I will be thinking the next whole day about what has happened at night. As it has become often so I thought of talking to my friend who is a psychologist. I didn’t delay our meeting and called her immediately and fixed the appointment. She has her clinic close by so in the evening I visited her. I was happy to meet her. We had casual chat initially then after a while I told her about my nightmares and their frequency.  

She heard everything and then took a deep breath. She then said she would ask me few questions and then she will talk about it. I was ok with it and we started. She asked me about my daily routine. For Which I replied saying from morning till night I have so much work. Looking after children; cooking; getting things ready including food for my in-laws and my husband then taking children to school; coming back and finishing my other household work and then other things like grocery shopping or medicine buying for my in-laws to taking them to therapist and doctors on some days. The list keeps going. The next question she asked about while doing my work do I feel tensed or am I very conscious. For that, I answered I always see into it that whatever I do I have to do it correctly. 

Because my husband wants everything perfect no mistakes. Even my children want everything ready before they ask for it. My laws have many expectations from me; I have to fulfil them. I don’t rest because I keep working to keep everything perfect. I gave up my job too so that I can give my best to my family. Sometimes I feel dependent on my husband monetarily but then I forget and adjust. 

She heard both answers and then she asked me do I have any fear which I have never spoken about to anyone. I shied for a while but then I had to tell her. She was my friend first and then a psychologist. I told her that I have fear which I never spoke about to anyone. Not even to my husband or my parents. That fear is of being a failure. Failure in fulfilling my duties towards my family. 

Fear of not carrying my responsibilities towards my in-laws properly. Fear of being a bad mother to my children. Fear of losing the love of my husband if I make him disappointed. Fear of not being beautiful and losing my charm and if my husband gets attracted to some other lady. Fear of losing my respect in my house if I forget to do something for my family. Fear of losing my identity. I have already lost my identity as a working woman and financially independent woman. But that I did wishfully for my family; though I regret it sometimes. But now I have accepted and living with it. All these thoughts give me fear and I feel anxious.  

Her next question was before going to bed what I think about most. 

I replied I always keep checking about things required for the following day is kept ready for my children and my husband. 

Then I think about what work has to be done the next day. I need to plan my day. Mostly I keep thinking about all these and fall asleep. After listening to my answer my friend said finally you told me yourself what make you get those nightmares. Your fears are only the reason why you wake up often at midnight. You are so scared now by doing your duties and responsibilities perfectly that even in sleep you only think about it. You are worried about the next day work. You go to sleep with worries in your head. So suddenly you wake up. You get those nightmares where you should be seeing about missing some work to be done or doing something wrong. These are a most common type of nightmares many women gets who are so dedicated to their family fulfilling their needs without thinking about themselves.

She then suggested starting to take breaks for herself. To start doing something that I like. I should make time for myself in my busy day. I need to rework my schedule again and I should allot free time for myself. If required I should talk to my family and my husband about it. The problem is not a major issue but it has to be addressed on time and steps needed to be taken before it becomes something big. I also understood what she was saying. There is nothing wrong to make space and time for self. Everyone needs that time. It is much important. To give your full to your family you need to be healthy and happy both physically and mentally. I took leave from my friend on from that time I decided to give time to myself. I worked on my schedule and now I have started doing few activities which were once my hobbies. I feel much happy now and also sleeping at ease. #Self Love Isn’t Selfish.

“Wow, congratulations!!”; the whole day I was poured with hearty wishes left to right from my family, friends, and relatives. I was on cloud 9 and feeling happiest like never before. I was officially engaged to the love of my life. We dated for 2 brief years until our families accepted and agreed to our marriage. That day I was very much happy. In 3 months, I going to get married to the person whom I loved the most on Earth. Time just flew quickly. The Day arrived and we got married. It was a full-on traditional wedding, the best day of my life. Everything went on well. I was finally with my love. I was feeling like the luckiest person, who has got all that she wished for. The initial few days were so blissful. We spent almost all the time together, except for the time he went to work. We decided to visit his native and take God’s blessing before going for our holidays. But it happened that, we went to his native and had to come straight back home, and we never had another chance for a vacation.

After coming back from native, things weren’t the same as before. My in-laws decided to stay back at their native so we both returned. My husband seemed to become a different person. 

I was startled at some moments when he behaved so differently. The way he talked to me has changed. He started dominating and controlling me for everything. He started ordering me to do things and if I didn’t, he would abuse me badly. He stopped me from meeting my parents and visiting my home. He also took away my mobile and only gave it to me when I went out for some work. He was monitoring my every move. I felt like being jailed. One day I tried speaking to him and asked him what has happened suddenly; he wasn’t like this earlier. And I was shocked to hell. He replied that he never loved me. He just wanted to marry me because he has a hobby of having all the best things in his life. I couldn’t believe what he just said. In a second my whole world crumbled and shattered, I found myself in the pool of tears. I was feeling so foolish and I didn’t know how to take this up. I consoled myself that he had might be going through some bad time at his work. He wasn’t serious about what he said. He will be fine in some time.

It is been 6 months now since we married. His behaviour never changed nor my life. It only got worse day by day. He was torturing me emotionally and mentally. I was like an object to him. He had enslaved me. Despite being nicely raised by my parents I didn’t have the strength to inform them about my life. I took all the blame to myself for choosing the wrong person and trusting him blindly. I took it as my fate and was living my jailed life. In few days I found I am pregnant. 

I felt happy and this gave me hope that he might become a different person now. But that was my illusion. He rather showed no happiness or interest in the baby as he doubted my infidelity. This broke me completely. I couldn’t survive his accusation anymore. I attempted suicide. I forgot that I was carrying another life in me. But something else was written in my fate. I escaped and so was my child. After this incident, I decided to take care of my child and myself. I was doing all my duties for him. I was having a hard time, but I had faith in God. Being in a stressful pregnancy, I gave birth to a preterm baby. My husband didn’t seem to be happy for the baby. My final hope was also gone in vain. I had a preterm infant in my arm who needed proper care and nurture and my whole life in front of me to be spent with this monster. I knew for sure that I will not survive if I go back to him, nor my baby will be safe. He can never be a good father when he has never been a good husband. I decided to part ways with him and bring up my child all by myself.  

It was a very big and toughest decision of my life. But I was very firm and clear about it. I chose me and my child over that bad life with my so-called husband. I decided that I live my life on my own terms and bring up my child happily. My parents supported me. My child was growing so was I. I started a new life. I took up different courses got myself a good job. I was taking care of my child and was also working. I was slowly gaining back my long-lost confidence. It wasn’t easy earlier. Many times, I ended in tears; because I thought I didn’t deserve this. In no time my life changed again. And this time for good. I am building my career and my child is grown enough to go to school. I always wanted my child to feel proud of me and my decision. I used to think about how my child will react when it becomes aware of the father. I never wanted to lie to my child; so, I never gave information about false things. All I did was I never created an image of a father in my child’s life. And I am happy I did that. 

It’s been 10 years now; my child is a grown-up teen and knows everything about the father. I am glad as I had thought I will never be questioned on my upbringing; my child never asked me anything. I am trusted by my child. Today I am a very happy, strong, and independent mother. When I see myself 11 years ago, I wonder how I was living my life; feeling so helpless and now one right decision at right time changed my life forever. Rather I should say mine and my child’s life forever. I believe everything happens for a reason.

I would like to say to all those who are going through tough relationships. Don’t be foolish and bear torture. If necessary, make a decision and move on. Something better you can do with your life rather than staying in an abusive relationship. 

Sejal Davey 
Special educator and child & career counselor and parenting coach

Fuel it Right -To keep your – Engine Safe

One of the most needed & wanted requisites for all of us to survive in this world is……..? Yes! you guessed it Right. It is FOOD!

I just want to add some flavour to this term “Fuel to Our Own Digestive System “ – FOOD.

There are different categories of people, where we can consider them as different consumers.

Let me categorize it:

For some of us, Food is the Focal part of Life – we really love to relish ourselves.

For others it’s copious – We want to make a decision when to eat & what to eat.

For many individuals in the world it’s like – Fight Tooth & Nail to get a meal for a day.

Hope we are blessed to be in the category where we used to get Food for all the 365 days.

This is something that makes me pen down this article to arise the question – Are we doing our responsibility right? (The responsibility is the ‘intake of food at right time’).

• Most of us will skip a meal or has a habit of eating Brunch.
• Eating Right Food & Eating Food Right – Both gives has an entirely different meaning.

By interchanging the words in the second statement relates to a different context.

Let me tell you the universal truth – Utmost prime Responsibility of SELF is to provide the Food to ourselves – Not just for living, but to keep us away from the Physical & Mental Illness.

Most of us while reading this article comes to the consequences of not Eating Food Right. It reflects mostly in our Emotions.

Like,
– Triggers our Anger
– Leads to Frustration
– Unnecessary usage of words.
– Confusion may occur & whatnot.

If to confess about what happens physically is just countless, it really takes 2 -3 pages to list down the key points. Looks so weird right, why we are not meeting a normal routine? But sure I can give you the positive side of Eating Food Right.

1. Love to maintain your Weight?
2. Want to have a glowing skin?
3. Wanna be a Good decision Maker?
4. Want to Feelgood inside?
5. Making a lengthy wish list for the upcoming year?
6. Need to take care of your dependents?
7. Love to go to places?
8. Don’t want to knock the clinic door?
9. Love to see yourself as yourself?
10. Wish to share some good messages around you?

If your answers were YES for all the 10 questions-One SMALL SIMPLE SOLUTION
“Just Eat Right”

Meet you soon

S.Iswarya,

Independent Trainer,

99441 44157