Categories: Parenting

Why is the upbringing of son different than a daughter?

“Why does gender bias starts from home”?

I always wondered why my brother was treated, loved and taught differently than me at my house when I was young. I am 22 years old now and my brother is 27 years old. We are born to the same parents; in the same house and same family but he is treated royally and I am being treated like nothing. No values are given to me, my thoughts and feelings. Not even my likes are considered in anything. Even though being younger to my brother I am laid with all responsibilities of taking care of my brother’s needs. I have grown seeing how my other cousin sisters are treated against their brother. It’s the same scenario in all families. I like to get dressed up even when at home; but my granny and mother never allows me. I like to dance and wanted to learn, but was not allowed. I am not allowed to move around in my own house as we have many servants; so I am supposed to be silent and keep eyes on my movements. If any guest arrives at my house I am the first who should go to my room and not ponder unless they live. I cannot laugh loudly; especially when my father and uncles are at home. But none of these restrictions is for my brother because he is a boy. He will carry forward family’s name and I am a girl only born to be married and send off to other’s house.

 There have been many circumstances where I was a victim of gender bias in my family. Like I wanted to do MBA in HR from another city; last year. But I was not allowed. My brother did his MBA from a big reputed institute of the country from another city. Actually he didn’t even want to do, but still, he was sent; not to study but to enjoy his life there. This was the latest episode. Earlier also there are countless incidents where I have sacrificed my desires and feeling just because I am a girl and have no rights to live my life as I wish. My parents never celebrated my birthday except for my very first one. I am never allowed to go on trips unless it is with family for weddings or for pilgrimage. My brother has travelled abroad with his friends and cousins a number of times. I can say that my parents have bought me the best clothes and jewellery but it’s not only that a girl needs. I too have my desires and feeling but those are always ignored.

I wanted to do a job and have my own identity; I requested my parents to allow me. They didn’t agree. I showed the desire to join my father in his business; again I was not allowed. Once I wanted to go to my friend’s wedding in another city. Again I was not allowed. I am even not allowed to hang out with my friends in the city. No movies; no parties; no visiting to friend’s house not even for group studies. But all this is allowed for my brother. No restrictions for him.

I have seen how the ladies in my family are treated. They are laid with full-on responsibilities of family members and their husbands. They wear the best designer sarees and heavy jewellery even at home; that’s all is done for them. Even they are not allowed to do what they want and what they desire. So even my future is going to be like my mother. All I have to be satisfied is with clothes and jewels.

I wonder why is it so. Why girls have to pay on their desires and feelings in their own house? Why they are not equally treated and respected like son in the family? Why have they seen as a burden and responsibility which they shoulder off easily? If we girls are not given desired love and respect in our own house; by our own family and parents then how can we trust outside world? We deserve equal love and respect what our brothers get. Give us responsibilities and also love and freedom to live our own life.

I know this is not happening in all families but in most of the families do happens. I hope after reading these articles parents; if they are doing gender bias between their son and daughter, will stop doing it so. Love your daughters equally. Sons may leave you and move away but daughters will never leave you in any path of her life.


Sejal Davey

Special educator; child and career counsellor and parenting coach.


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